Words fail. Self expression is a wonderful thing when it works. When you get locked up in your own head and mind there are so many things you want to say and do, and none of them come out right. I have been navigating a minefield for a while now. I thought it was only the last few years that I was having difficulty. As I now analyze my life, it is slowly being revealed to me the depth of my illusion.
Hello everyone, I am Rolf and I am scared witless. I am currently experiencing the joys of my own mind. My last therapist agrees with me that I am suffering from anxiety and that I am the one creating it. Granted, there are many things in the world to be anxious about. However, I am rather good about magnifying them and creating an environment in my world that makes some of them debilitating. I am currently between therapists. I would love to say that I broke the last one but she had opportunities open to her that she would have been Crazy not to accept. It has been a few months since my last session and while I want to get a new one and get fixed, I sure do not want to have to go through everything again. It is certainly stressful to have to tell a stranger all about my personal boogeymen but to have to do it over and over and not know what that person is thinking is just about the most difficult thing in the world.
To bear your soul to others is hard, just look at how many marriages are imploding from lack of sharing.
So therefore, why am I posting my soul in public? Why indeed. I am compelled (wonder if that is another little quirk) to do this because I think that not enough people understand what is going on with people like me. Also, it may be cathartic to bare my feelings and maybe I will learn something about myself. So buckle up, sit back and hold on it may be a bumpy ride.