This is too hard: Why I cannot write a decent essay

I know it is meta but essays are difficult, they can' not be too long, or too short. They have to be about something that interests you, but you do not know enough about. They need a feel of having something to say and bring some new information into the world. And if you'r are a real lucky bird, it is for grading.

Insert your topic here

Essays are an inbetween form of a short opinion and a full-fledged paper. This is already frustrating, because what topic is relevant for such a thing to write about?

I have lived on this planet now for over 18 years and I have learned a lot of stuff about what feels like almost everything; the solar system, how to cut Latin sentences into the dactylic hexameter, basic cooking skills, and so on, and so on. The more you know, the more you forget. An example to make my problem clear: Yes, I have known what the 3 basic tenets of the logical positivists were, but now I have forgotten, is this a reason to start an essay on this? I do n'ot think so, this is just learning things for school. Also you can just look it up.

Some things are too hard to grasp or the question I asked myself is too broad or I cannot find a decent answer to it, because there is no research done on it or it is just a thought, there is no research needed, it is too logical, it is too simple, it is too long of an answer for an essay, or after 300 words you are like, “well that is all I have to say”.

Very annoying and all, but it will not help picking a topic. There you are again in the void of not knowing what to do. Should you start crying? Should you try another thing on your list? Is it a realistic thing to write about? Do you have anything to say about this? What if it is not good enough? Why am I like this? Coming up with an idea is also a little bit of creativity, what I am doing is just being meta, the assignment was ‘write an essay’, and I am doing so, but it becomes meta because I write an essay about essays.

Getting enough words is a real stuggle, I know it is a guideline, but it always feels like I am not doing the right thing when I have just 700 words when the assignment is maximum 1000 words. I do n'ot want to let the teacher down by having too few words, I want to get as close as possible to the 1000 words, but then there is the topic screaming ‘HEY, you need to stay relevant and do not ramble about nothing!’ I know writing nonsense does not bring my essay to a higher level, but it does get me closer to the 1000 words.

Essays need added value to the world, this aspect hurts everytime I need to think of a topic for almost everything. What is of added value? What do people want to know? With all these questions fired at me, I just want to curl up into a ball and cry in a corner somewhere. It' is just very difficult and there is a pressure on me that I can'not handle, maybe that is why I tend to procrastinate… Wow I am learning things about myself, that was not the intention.

I do not know what I am good at, but I certainly know what I am bad at

In an essay, you need to describe phenomena but not too long and you have to have a point, just being descriptive is not good enough. But what if that is the only thing I am good at? I'm am a person who does not immediately have the feeling to be out there and shout my opinion in everybody’s face. That is too radical for me. I prefer being in the background and giving good descriptions of happenings because then you cannot be judged by all those people.

I know this really feels like a rant against essays, but actually, that's is exactly what this is. I feel sorry for the people who love essays, but it's is just not my genre. I try to write an entertaining text, I want to make a text that people want to read, not on some topic that is far away from my interests, just a fun text that gives an insight on that topic and teaches people something about it, but not a real argument, that's is too much for me.

Wrap it like a present

It is very pleasing to see that this essay is going somewhere now, I mean my words keep on counting and I' am making a point. This was the whole drama about my inability to write an essay. And look at me, I' am actually doing it!

I can wrap this rant up by referring to my introduction, I elaborated my concerns I mentioned and have now finally made an essay. So this shows that you can actually write an essay, without knowing what to write about. I' am sorry if you really wanted an essay that had your mind blown, I can'tnot give you that. I' am a writer who likes lighter texts and do not want to give you an existential crisis when you have only read the title. I wanted to give you a little insight in my brain. A constant ramble about nothing. 24/7. But I make the most of it.

What would I be without my brain? Probably dead.